​​Still Single: MARRIAGE IS NOT THE END GOAL. [Pt. 1]

Oct. 6 / 6 min read

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Heyyyo! Welcome to blog post number ✌🏽✌🏽 (4)! I loved our little coffee shop chat last time so grab your cup of coffee or tea (or if you’re like me, your chocolate milk 😋) and let’s get to it! ;)

Today I want to share a little bit about our purpose. The first verse that comes to mind right off the bat is Proverbs 4:23, which says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” You’ve probably heard that verse before – it’s an often-quoted verse when referring to saving your heart for the one you’re going to marry and not giving too much of yourself away. I want to talk about it in a little different of a connotation then maybe you’re used to, though. I think sometimes this verse can be taken out of context. If you look at the surrounding verses, it’s talking about living a righteous life – about living in a way that honors God and not turning to the right or to the left and falling into sin.

** Now, a quick side note before I continue: I think there’s wisdom in not giving your heart away to every guy you meet !! Don’t get me wrong 😊. But I think it’s also important to evaluate where your heart is at – what is your motive behind guarding your heart? Is it out of fear? (God says to fear no evil!) Out of wisdom? Out of faith and obedience to what God is telling you? I’d encourage you to take it to the Lord and ask him to guide you – ask him what guarding your heart in your specific circumstances looks like. Maybe he does want you to guard your heart, because liking that certain person is leading you to stray from following God. Maybe He wants you to keep your heart open. He’s told me that before with a guy, and nothing ended up coming out of it marriage-related, but looking back now I can see how God used that to draw me closer to Him. I honestly don’t have a specific, clear-cut answer for this. But God knows!! And I’m confident that He’ll be faithful to guide you if you ask Him :) And there's no pain out there so deep that He can't heal you from it <3.

Back to the Proverbs 4:23 verse – I think it’s super important to guard your heart from beliefs and little half lies that can infiltrate your thinking and cause you to turn away from what Scripture says. It’s really important to test EVERYTHING and hold fast to what is good (1 Thes. 5:21). Why? Because what you believe is going to influence the way that you act !! I know it’s super easy for me to get carried away trying to fix all of my actions, but if I don’t get to the root, it’s like pulling off only the top of the weed when the root’s still in the ground: it’ll just spring back up again. It is SO important to evaluate and ask yourself what you believe! Verse 26 of that chapter in Proverbs says, “Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.”

Today I want to invite you to ponder the path of your feet. In what direction are you heading? What path are you on, and where is it leading to? Close your eyes for a second and just envision a pathway. Follow it allllll the way down. Where are you heading?

In other words, what’s your purpose in life? Why are you on the path that you’re on...and should you be on that path?

Let’s talk about this in regard to marriage. I know from my own life that it can be SO easy to slip into the thinking that my goal and my purpose in life is to get married – to be a wife and get to love and serve a man of God. I was put on this earth to get married, right??

That’s what the world is telling us, isn’t it? That we have to get out there and pursue love and that if we don’t have it we won’t be fulfilled – therefore, we should do everything we can to get the guy! And this perhaps could be a common misbelief that we’re letting slip into our hearts.

And just to be clear – wanting to get married is not bad !! It’s a God-given desire and it will one day, Lord-willing, be one of my GREATEST honors to get to be a wife. But I don’t know that it should be my strongest, most-chased after goal...

Let’s open up the Word and see what God has to say – because I don’t want you to believe what I say because I say it – I want you to believe whatever God’s WORD says. That’s where the authority’s at. Please, y’all, test my words against THE Word and only hold fast to what is good !! I’m only human and am just as capable as any other person of making mistakes.

The first verse that comes to mind is from 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which says this:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

You are not your own. Our purpose is to do the will of the Father, just like Jesus’ purpose on earth was to do what God willed (John 6:38). We are not only his children, his friends, and his beloved, but we are also his SERVANTS! And our purpose is to do whatever He desires us to do (which is for our good, ALWAYS! Deut. 6:24 !! Woww!). Is marriage one of those good works God has prepared for us beforehand to walk in? I don’t know. Maybe! But ultimately, we can see from this passage that our purpose is to glorify God.

I used to ask myself all the time, “Emma, what’s your goal?” and then I would answer myself, “to glorify God in all that I do!” and it would keep me grounded in my purpose – because no matter if I lost or won in sports, or was performing well or not, or whatever circumstance I was in, there was ALWAYS opportunity to glorify God in how I responded!! And one day, maybe marriage will be a way that you bring God more glory!

I want to circle back to another verse that I shared in the last post – Matthew 6:33:
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“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

What does God tell us to do?

He calls us to seek FIRST the kingdom of God and his righteousness. We are to seek God first – not marriage, not a career, not perfection, not kids – we are to seek HIS kingdom. That’s our purpose!! I also think of 1 Corinthians 7:27, which says this:

“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.”

Do you see that? I read that verse the other day, and the wording of it really struck me. There it is, right there – in Scripture – do NOT seek a wife (or husband for us ladies). Do not seek to be married. I know I get this wrong all the time!! I used to walk around everywhereee just seeking a significant other !! And I still fall into the temptation to do everything I can to protect or create a relationship. But God tells us not to make seeking a spouse our highest goal. I think He knows that doing so and seeking after a significant other only breeds stress and anxiety and things that do not bring about the godly life that God desires...and I’m learning again and again that oh boy it really does get stressful! It puts so much pressure on ourselves, doesn’t it?

Instead, we are to seek FIRST the kingdom of God – and then what? All these things will be added to you! The verses before that verse in Matthew talk about being anxious about our lives – what we eat and what we’ll wear, and I think that worrying about marriage is not something God wants for us, either. In verse 32 He tells us that “your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.” Isn’t that comforting?? God knows what you need!! God knows what you desire and what’s best for you!! Can you trust that He’ll provide everything necessary for the godly and fulfilling and ABUNDANT life He desires for you? (2 Pt. 1:3, John 10:10, Gen. 22:7b-8).

If we back up even more in chapter 6 to verse 24, we’ll run into Jesus saying this:

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

Has marriage become your master? Are you trying to simultaneously seek marriage and God? Let me take you down the path of trying to do both...

Well, actually, according to God, that’s impossible. You can’t do both. You’re either chasing one or you’re chasing the other. There’s no halfway! But here’s the difference...C.S. Lewis puts it this way: “Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.” If we aim at seeking God’s kingdom first, you’ll get joy – abundant joy, more joy than we would ever imagine. Walking in God’s way is always the best and most fulfilling !! And if God brings a godly man or woman into your life, doing it His way in His timing will be the most beautiful thing (& probably hard, too— I mean, I don’t know, I haven’t gotten there yet). But if you’re aiming at marriage, it can easily turn into a lot of self-centered thinking and habits...

Perhaps it might show itself in you obsessing over what you look like, what you’re wearing, and how you’re acting to try to please another person...

Perhaps it might show itself in you judging and evaluating every Christian guy instead of seeing and treating them as a beloved, forgiven child of God like you are...

Perhaps it might show itself in being so caught up in the fact that you’re not married right now that you let your joy be robbed...

Or maybe you just feel empty. Empty because you’re chasing after something that God doesn’t want you to chase after with all of your heart – you were meant to seek HIM with your whole heart!! God will give it to you if that’s what He knows will be best for you to grow closer to him and to teach you to depend on him more.

BUT also, it’s important to note that we’re not all supposed to sit on couches thinking about God and then suddenly POOF ! Without any effort – oh wow! There’s a guy next to me and there’s a ring on my finger and we’re married!

I think one day, if it’s God’s will, seeking God’s kingdom first will look like pursuing a relationship – because we’re most effective in the kingdom of God not when we’re single, but when we’re walking in the will of God.

Seeking first the kingdom of God means seeking after what God wants. And perhaps one day what God wants for you is to pursue marrying somebody. That's gonna take intentional work ! But the question to ask is, “What is God calling me to TODAY?”

My mama gave me some advice the other day that I’ve been really treasuring and trying to keep in mind. She said, “Take great delight and joy in seeking to honor God in TODAY.”

I think perhaps God is asking us the same question Jesus asked Mary when she was weeping outside of his tomb. He said, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” (John 20:15).

Whom are you seeking?

​I encourage you to pause, close your eyes, and ask God to search you and know you (Psalm 139) and reveal to you who or what it is that you’re seeking.


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P.S. I actually wrote this six months ago & forgot to post it…I’m so sorry I‘ve been slacking so much in posting for this series :( God has been really putting it on my heart for a while now to finish up this series & I want to say sorry to you guys, too, for not being obedient in that! I pray this post encouraged you & I will do my best to write more in a timely fashion ;) Love y’all!