Guest Post Week- Day 6

   Happy Sunday! Today we have a post by my friend Emily about EQ: Emotional Intelligence. This is something lots of people can struggle with, and hopefully this post will help you. And don't forget to pray! 


                                          “Don’t promise when you’re happy
                                            Don’t reply when you are angry
                                              Don’t decide when you’re sad”


   You know those situations when you are late for an important event and realize you have no control over the ordeal? You can’t legally drive yet, your mom is getting impatient because you should have left the house twenty minutes ago but for some reason no one has their ducks in a row. When you finally pull out of the drive, mom is crankier than ever. Better not say anything or World War III will break out. But then your sibling who seems amazingly ignorant of the strained situation starts rambling on about random stuff which makes everything worse. That’s when you notice you left something important at home and you realize asking your mom to turn the car around and waste another 10 precious minutes will be a risky idea. But you ask anyway. And your sibling raises their voice too. And then your mom does. And World War III begins.

      I’ve been in that situation before, and more than likely you have too. Isn’t it amazing how one task can turn into a mini war as emotions rise and shots are fired? If I don’t like someone, I ignore them. Someone roasts me a little too hard, I roast them harder or shut down completely (I’m really good at doing both). If I feel inadequate, I fall for the pit of lies that encourages the idea that I am truly no good and use it to justify my behavior. The human mind responds to negativity so often that it is difficult to discern when it happens.
   Understanding and having the capacity of be aware of and in control of how you express your feelings is called Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As an emotionally driven person, I’m not saying to stifle your feelings, but as Christians, we are to be “sober-minded” and “set our hope fully on the grace…. Of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:13). This means not allowing myself to fall into the destructive pattern of negative thoughts which often affect my actions. This past year has led to much negativity due to stress at school, political divide, and the often overwhelming lie that I’m not doing this whole “Christian life” thing right. But there are five steps to help with negative feelings that often stem from interactions with others and outside forces.

1. Self-awareness: Someone says something offensive? Instead of retaliating (which is really fun) stop and ask yourself, why did it hurt? Why am I feeling it? Why am I scared of this? This is the why part where we take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 2:10). Did you know that 74% of your thoughts are negative? When overcome with negative emotions, I often have to tell God “I can’t do this.” Simply acknowledging negativity is the start. Whether it is fear, depression, anger etc., try to ask yourself those questions next time you experience those emotions.
2. Self-regulation: This is the hard part for me - controlling my emotions. I am one of the many guilty people who have the amazing ability to act upon my negative emotions. Admit it: we all do it. But that’s the problem. We can’t grow if we don’t allow ourselves to. We don’t have to be Queen Elsa with her whole conceal-don’t-feel thing. (And if I remember correctly, that did not go too well). Self-regulation simply means not basing your decisions solely on your emotions, especially the negative ones.
3. Motivation: You need a reason behind this whole “Emotional Intelligence” thing. For me, it’s preparing for my dreams. Whether it’s eventually having your own family, attending a certain school, or some other secret ambition to take over the world,  your future goals can (and should) motivate you to handle emotions appropriately. Let your faith also challenge you to not “conform to the pattern of this world” as many people cave to their emotional desires. Rather, I encourage you, who has the mind of Christ, to dwell on what is pure and right and let that be the driving force that allows you to filter and handle the negative thoughts and emotions.
4. Empathy: Because almost all feelings are simply emotional reactions to other people’s words and actions, your EQ involves understanding each other to build healthy connections. This, ideally, creates empathy. Honest confession here:  I almost hated someone. It may not seem like much, but I’m not someone who passes judgement lightly or frequently so as you can imagine, this was a strangely new situation. I was tired, bored and completely unaware of what I was feeling. It was English class. There was a student who loved raising her hand and answering all the questions. You know the type - sweet, teacher’s pet, really smart. I was in a class I didn’t like with an obnoxious classmate I really did not like and started rebelliously plugging my ears whenever she talked. The problem was, I was completely unaware of my bitterness, was not questioning myself about my feelings, and was close to hating someone I hardly knew. And that was the problem. I hardly knew her. I didn’t know her. Until I read her autobiographical essay during a class period. Long story short, she had far from ideal upbringing. Whether her class behavior stemmed from her traumatic childhood - I’ll never know. But I learned that I was wrong, and empathy toward her started to grow.
5. Social skills. When you understand people, you can use those skills in any aspect of life: leadership, building relationships, persuading people (it actually works), etc.  Do what Jesus would do and spend time with people of different religions, backgrounds, cultures, etc. Christianity is about relationship - with God most importantly, but with others as well. Building your emotional awareness and intelligence helps construct strong relationships with others.

   Whether you are eight years old or 80 (and even if you’re not religious) you can increase your emotional intelligence by simply learning to become aware of your feeling. Think about what you are feeling. You are made new in Him and not a slave to your emotions. This doesn’t mean you can no longer allow yourself to become angry or lament when you need to. (There is a whole book in the Bible dedicated to that – it’s called Lamentations). God wants us to be genuine with Him. He wants and open honest heart that is willing to grow.
   Emotional Intelligence is a topic that has undergone much research from psychologists and scientists alike. However, I believe it is a wonderful disguise for another not-so-epic word: maturity. And that is something I know I don’t have. But I ask God to give me grace as I learn to give everything – all my feelings – to Him.


   Rhia G. Adley is a 20-year-old blogger and writer at rhiagadley.wordpress.com. Better known as Emily to her peers, she enjoys studying topics of psychology and human relationships. When she’s not sleeping, working or catching up on her growing pile of school work, you can usually find her at her desk googling the most random things or in the kitchen experimenting with food.  She enjoys MMA and is currently studying Art with Emphasis in Multimedia at a local college.