don't give up on me. [A prayer from Emma's journal]

Dear Father ~
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​Nine days ago, I went on a one-day missions’ trip with Unity4Orphans. Father, it was so eye-opening and heartbreaking. It’s crazy that in my little world, I’m constantly complaining about what I have or don’t have, wishing for more cute clothes, more food – more anything, basically – when those kids over at the orphanage have nothing. They’ve lost their families, their parents, and they live solely on faith, trusting that You will provide for them each day. The kids there get so little attention and so little love – not that those in charge aren’t loving them, but that they ratio of adults to kids is so imbalanced. Over here, I’m thriving, so much so that I’ve lost track of what’s truly important. I get so caught up in pleasing the world, pleasing the guys – when all these kids want is to be heard and loved!! People visit them maybe a few times a month, but what about the other days? How do they keep on going, keep on pushing through, when every day is a battle in itself? ​

​And here I am, complaining I don’t see my friends enough. I see the “outside world” almost every day! They can’t choose their fate. They can’t just decide, ‘Oh, I think I’ll leave the orphanage today, join a family, and live life like nothing happened’ – they can’t!

Why, Father, why did it have to happen to them?? Why? They’re such normal, beautiful people – so talented and full of joy – why did it have to be them? Why, Lord? It’s not fair!! Aahh I’m gonna cry…I don’t know how I’m still alive; I left my heart in Mexico with those precious, beautiful souls. Father, I want to go back so bad!! I want to do something. I can’t forget about them. I can’t. Those are your children, Lord – those are your loved ones, whom you knit together in their mother’s womb. You care about them – why shouldn’t I? I can’t just keep living my life like I never went. I can’t forget. I can’t give up. I can’t be silent about this. Father, I don’t know whyyy there are orphans. I don’t know why it had to happen to them. I don’t understand why I had to be the one with a loving, united family when I could have easily been one of them! I don’t get it. But Father, I know that despite the brokenness in this world, you are still there. Amidst the pain, the suffering, the silence. When I really think about it, I have not truly suffered. Not like others have.

And just seeing how happy they were, despite having so little – all I can say is wow. Why should I be complaining? I am sooo blessed!! Father, you have given me soo much. Thank you for the opportunity to go to this. One of the girls serving with us mentioned how when they asked what their favorite thing was, the kids’ answers were all relational – whereas ours were all objects and temporary things, like our new iPhone X or clothing. One girl said, “Mi corazón (my heart).” And here I am, wanting the latest and the greatest, when I already have everything I need! These children know what gratitude really means – I don’t. Help me, Father, to have a heart like these little children. Help me to be grateful for even the tiniest things.

To Victor, Allen, and all the sweet little children whose names I couldn’t understand, and to every orphan out there – I will fight for you. I won’t give up on you. Lord, show me what to do. I am yours.
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I know I’m just one person. I know I’m “just” a homeschooled, shelteredish, naïve, unemployed teenager in the middle of the US – but I believe that one voice can make a difference. I believe that you put me on this earth for a purpose. Father, I have felt you calling me towards missions for such a long time – since I was in a young child – and now I’m ready to listen. I’m ready to obey, to believe that this is what you want for me. Maybe it’s not time right now, but please help me to prepare. Help me to have an open heart. Help me to be that one voice – to make a difference, no matter how small. I love you – thank you for loving me more.
  
Are you willing to be that one voice?