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the blog.

"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."

Psalms 73:28
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I CHOOSE YOU [life update - using a song! part 2]

1/9/2021

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Hey hey heyyy we're back with another vlog xD Haha, good morning! Happy weekend :) If you haven't already, I encourage you to read the post right before this! Okie, let's jump right in: 

Through the lows and the highs, I will stay by your side/There's no need for goodbyes, now I'm seeing the light/When the sky turns to grey and there's nothing to say/At the end of the day, I choose you

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I CHOOSE YOU [life update - using a song! part 1]

1/8/2021

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Heyyyy what's up beautiful people!! Aah...I've always wanted to start a blog post like that ;) I hope and pray y'all are doing well and that God has been growing you so so much in this season!! I'm sorry it's been a while since I've posted on here, I had previously been focusing on my IG account (@stillyouloveme). But I'm back and I'm so blessed by all of you who reached out to me and for your encouragement!! 

I thought I'd do a life update of what's going on in my life right now, and what God has been teaching me lately! I'll post half of it today and half tomorrow morning, so it's not one humongous post :) ​

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I. AM. SEEN.

5/21/2020

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hey :)) I just want to be really, really real with you all right now.

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. Truth be told - I just finished crying: another of those cries that no one but the Lord sees. Some of the thoughts that were previously going through my head were similar to these: 

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YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR FAILURES.

9/11/2019

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I played those final notes wrong. I passed all of those balls horribly today in practice. I missed every hit. I overcooked it again. I totally failed that speech. I didn't say enough. I said way too much. I didn't play those last notes right. 

For pretty much as long as I can remember, I've tied my performance, my talents and my outward appearance to my worth. I guess part of it is the fact that some people assume I'm "perfect" - and so when I'm not, (which is like all the time), I think I've lost who I am. I've subconsciously told myself basically that if I didn't play well, look cute and act right, no one would like me.

And if no one liked me, I must be a...a failure.

A nobody. Just another average person in the daily life. I had to stand out and do something admirable to be worthy and something. If I didn't play volleyball well or had an off-day, then I must be the worst player and no good and everyone would look down on me. If I wore my black-rimmed glasses and looked less than stellar and put together, then people wouldn't want to be around me. Boys would stop liking me. If I played those notes wrong on the worship night, nobody would want to play with me again. 

I'd lose their respect. 

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He's holding my hand?! [Is God really with me?]

7/16/2019

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Heyyy family! I just got back last week from Costa Rica and let me just say that God is SOOO GOOD. Like wow. I could go on and on about the trip, but I'ma save that for a later post (more like postss because there's soo much!!). Today, though, I wanted to share something that actually happened before I left.

When I was young, I was often by myself. We'd go to events or family dinners or parties, and I would be in the corner, alone. It wasn't necessarily that people didn't want me to join them. It may have been because I, as a shy kid, was too afraid to join. But I never thought of that then - I just kinda felt left out all the time and doubted myself. 

Even though I'm much older now, I still have scars from that. I still hurt from it (though not as much) It still pops up every now and then. Insecurity is so real and feeling left out is something that a ton of people feel but only a few talk about! 

A few days/weeks (I forget) before leaving on my trip, an image popped into my mind (no coincidence, fam!).

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my struggles with insecurity

12/20/2018

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I fight back the tears, using anything I can as a cover up for the pain I feel inside. I push back the emotions, which are attempting to kidnap me, to the farthest corner of my mind and paste on a bright smile. I tell myself over and over that I'm wanted, but I feel like I'm lying to myself. I've been transported back to the past. I find myself hiding out in the corners again, alone. I push myself to work harder, to do something, anything, to force myself to stop thinking. To make myself immune to the feelings that constantly plague me. Inside, I'm crying non-stop. But once I see someone, I'm a completely different person. I'm happy. I'm bubbly. I'm friendly. Funny. Quirky. I'm a picture perfect person - or so I make them think. On the inside, there's pain. Doubt. Anger. Judgmental thoughts. Fear - lots of it. Sin- tons of it. Insecurity is a part of me as much as my lungs are part of my body. I make myself believe I'm part of the busy world that's going on around me - but really, I'm looking at them through a crystal-clear glass wall. I'm on one side, they're on the other.

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    "I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, ​but take heart;
    I have ​overcome the world."


    John 16:33

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    "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."
    Psalm 9:1
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