the blog.
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"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Psalms 73:28 |
 I sit down at the table with my three younger cousins and hungrily grab a piece of bread from the basket. My cousins do the same, and soon we’ve eaten all of it. Although our main entrees are coming, we feel that urgent need to fill our bellies and decide to ask our waiter (who’s SUPER nice) for more bread. She immediately grabs a bread basket from a nearby, unoccupied table and gives it to us. Us kids all eagerly grab some more bread.
Literally two minutes later, this man who’s not our waiter (but is a waiter to other tables) strolls up to our table with a basket of bread and says, “More bread?”
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 This place is too hot. I’m so tired. This car is too slow. This hotel is too cold. This food takes too long. The waiter doesn’t know what he’s doing. This food is too expensive. This food is too hot. This food is too cheesy. This restaurant is too cold. Outside is too windy. The music is too loud. My hair looks bad. My head feels hot. My sisters aren’t listening to me. I wish I could go to church. I wish I could see my friends. I wish my friend would stop bugging me.
WHY AM I HERE??  My heart thumps loudly in my chest. My hands feel cold and clammy as I grip the gun. I’m alone, I think to myself. Utterly alone, trapped in this big, dark room for who knows how long, especially because I don’t know where the exit is. I’m alone, helpless, and afraid. And very lost.
My heart is beating louder than a drum in blasting speakers. Frantically, I try to look around the corner and find my partner, who had been with me only minutes before. No avail. I can’t find anyone. I hear noise, but I don’t know which direction it’s coming from, or if it’s from the enemy. I’m doomed - trapped - abandoned. Goose bumps cover my arms as I look for a way out, ashamed to admit that I’m lost. But my anxiety and fear of being forever left behind eventually takes over, and I call out my partner’s name. I’m embarrassed to find that my voice is squeaky and cracks.  *BEEEEP* *BEEEEEEEEEP* *BEEEEEP*
One second I'm dreaming about love and food (half kidding), and the next I'm awake, panicking. I grab my glasses and race down the ladder of our bunk bed, setting a new record for the fastest time I've ever gotten out of bed. I hear my dad yelling to get Elijah, and my sisters and I race out of the room, my heart pounding as I pray silently.  I wonder what it'd be like to be unstoppable. To be pushed down, and immediately get back up, without hesitation, and never give up. I wonder what it's like to have fullness of joy. To mourn with those who mourn, but with the presence of joy and the hope of the future. To be joyful, even when everything is taken away and I'm all alone, without friends or family. I wonder what it's like to be free of worry. To completely, wholeheartedly trust God with my life, my future, and my every second. To never stay up nights worrying over the next day's event. To be free from anxiety. I wonder what it's like to walk in true freedom, free from the bonds of Satan and free from the bonds I put myself in. What's it like to be fearless? What's it like to be free of guilt? Free of the pressure from the world?
But then I wonder, why am I wondering about this? I could change this right now. No, GOD could change this right now. I'm nothing without God - God is unstoppable, God is the giver of joy, God never worries and is 1000+% worthy of my trust, God is love- and there is no fear in love. God is full of grace and love and He loves us as we are, as we fail to be like the person next door to us. God is UNSTOPPABLE. Umm...I don't mean to be negative here, but, uh, can I really be unstoppable, and all those things just listed? Is there really more than the life I'm living right now? |
