|
my testimony
I grew up in a Christian home (and am growing up in a Christian home still). When I was four, my mom took me aside and explained the gospel to me. She then asked if I believed it, and I said yes. That day, I became a Christian, and that is actually my earliest memory, which is pretty cool! |
Well, I grew up just like any other kid, pretty much. I knew I was a Christian, and I tried to do what my parents told me do and tried to not do what they told me not to do, but this faith was not really my own.
When I was ten or eleven, I started doubting myself all the time. I told myself things like these: I'm ugly, nobody cares about me, I'm stupid, I'll never be pretty or liked, I'm worthless, I'm not good enough, no one sees me…the list went on and on. I felt so alone and I was really unhappy and miserable, because I didn't know who I was. There were people who would often be saying negative things to me, telling me things that weren't true, but I believed it. I was really insecure and everything I did was in an effort to feel loved, to feel wanted and accepted. I remember standing in front of the mirror, staring at myself, wishing I was blonde, green-eyed, had a different name, and didn't need glasses.
I just wanted to be noticed, because a lot of the time I was left on my own. Wherever I went, I was always on the outskirts, silent, alone, hopeless. I dug myself into a hole that I didn't know how to get out of. Believe it or not, I actually went a whole year wearing only skirts or dresses, and kept my hair up every single day of those 365 days (I even slept with it up!)! That was because I hoped that when I stopped and wore jeans or wore my hair down, I would get some attention at least. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I have no idea why it even made sense to me at the time! But I was so lonely I would do anything. I also tried to become ambidextrous, hoping that that would bring me friends and attention. I just zoned in on whatever people told me and let them define me. I was chasing happiness and attention, and it wasn't filling me. It never lasted long.
When I was ten or eleven, I started doubting myself all the time. I told myself things like these: I'm ugly, nobody cares about me, I'm stupid, I'll never be pretty or liked, I'm worthless, I'm not good enough, no one sees me…the list went on and on. I felt so alone and I was really unhappy and miserable, because I didn't know who I was. There were people who would often be saying negative things to me, telling me things that weren't true, but I believed it. I was really insecure and everything I did was in an effort to feel loved, to feel wanted and accepted. I remember standing in front of the mirror, staring at myself, wishing I was blonde, green-eyed, had a different name, and didn't need glasses.
I just wanted to be noticed, because a lot of the time I was left on my own. Wherever I went, I was always on the outskirts, silent, alone, hopeless. I dug myself into a hole that I didn't know how to get out of. Believe it or not, I actually went a whole year wearing only skirts or dresses, and kept my hair up every single day of those 365 days (I even slept with it up!)! That was because I hoped that when I stopped and wore jeans or wore my hair down, I would get some attention at least. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I have no idea why it even made sense to me at the time! But I was so lonely I would do anything. I also tried to become ambidextrous, hoping that that would bring me friends and attention. I just zoned in on whatever people told me and let them define me. I was chasing happiness and attention, and it wasn't filling me. It never lasted long.
|
And then one day sometime around 2015, I started reading my Bible daily and I came across inner beauty- being beautiful on the inside, and how what was in your heart was worth more than what you looked like. I learned about what God said about me, and how it didn’t matter what other people said about me. I learned that God thought I was beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, worthy, loved, wanted, chosen, forgiven, redeemed…and in my quest for beauty, I found the Lord.
That was when my faith truly became my own, and I rededicated my life to Him one night. I remember crying out to Him, giving Him my everything, my all. I needed someone who would love me no matter what, and that someone was God. Since then, I have felt this joy that is just so big I can't keep it in me. In James 5 it says, "Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises." |
here's a quality pic of me looking like Dora xD
|
And if you know me, you know I never stop singing! But that's because the JOY OF THE LORD is inside of me and I have to let it out! I have felt joy, peace, love, I have learned to recognize His gentle whispers to me- He is real! I have experienced Him personally! Giving my life to Jesus was the absolute best decision I have ever made. Though I still doubt myself sometimes, God has changed my perspective so much and has taught me to replace the lies and doubts with His truth.
And because of everything He's done for me, I want to give back and do anything and everything I can to share the gospel with others and share His love, because I know what it's like to be on the other side. I know what it's like to be hurting, without hope, and I don't want anyone else to feel that way. And anything good you see in me is ALL GOD working in me- I am just as messed up as anyone else! And if He can use someone like me to touch people's lives, He can certainly use you, no matter how far gone you think you are. Please, please, just run to Him. It'll change your life forever, help you see in MUCH clearer lenses, and fill you with the JOY of the LORD.
And because of everything He's done for me, I want to give back and do anything and everything I can to share the gospel with others and share His love, because I know what it's like to be on the other side. I know what it's like to be hurting, without hope, and I don't want anyone else to feel that way. And anything good you see in me is ALL GOD working in me- I am just as messed up as anyone else! And if He can use someone like me to touch people's lives, He can certainly use you, no matter how far gone you think you are. Please, please, just run to Him. It'll change your life forever, help you see in MUCH clearer lenses, and fill you with the JOY of the LORD.
Q&A
What is this blog for?
My goal for this blog is to encourage. To encourage, to strengthen, to speak life. To share struggles. And to make a difference, though it may seem small. My ultimate goal is to help you draw closer to our Heavenly Father, and to do my best to help you understand things I've learned through trials. I am praying for you all!
What is your own goal in life?
I want to live for Jesus. I want to bring Him glory! I want to be a light to others and to be used by God, whatever that may look like! I am His, and my goal is to do whatever God puts in front of me! I do feel called to work in the mission field, especially with orphans and unwanted children, but we'll see what He has for me when the time comes ;)
Read more >
Read more >
How do you recommend using this blog?
Anyway you want! Read it whenever- there's no rules! Share this blog with your friends, comment when you feel led to, tell me your story! If something I say seems off, don't hesitate to check it with your Bible! 1 Thessalonians 5:21 says, "Test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good." I'm definitely not anywhere close to perfect, and I do make mistakes! (I'm hopelessly clumsy, too- actually, nothing is hopeless with God!) And please let me know so I can fix it! You can send me an email or leave a comment- either way's cool with me! If you could include the Bible verse, too, that'd be even better!
Have you ever had problems with friends? How would you solve it?
Oh yes, definitely! Friendship problems and arguments come more frequently the closer you get to people! I had a long argument with one of my closest friends, and we didn't talk for almost a year! If I could do it over again, I would definitely work it out ASAP. Don't delay resolving it or stay silent if you have been hurt by a friend or think you have offended someone else. Once you let it take root in your heart, it's harder to pull it out, so be sure to try to talk with your friend right away. If you want to, include an adult to help sort things out. I encourage you to even pray before laying out the problem to him or her, because whenever we bring Jesus into things, He makes a big difference! And also remember to trust Him no matter what happens, even if it doesn't get resolved right away. Don't give up! Also, be sure you don't jump to conclusions, or base everything on assumptions. Sometimes it's nothing, but you might want to check into those things, gently, just in case. Good luck, and I'll be praying for you!
