"I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast towards you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you, you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Whooo. What a year! Okay...honestly I can't even remember half the things I did xD. What I do remember, though, is that God was sooo faithful each and every day! He never left my side, never let me go, never stopped loving me or forgiving me. I am SO grateful for that!
Out of everything I learned this year, I think one of the most important lessons was learning to rely on God and trust Him more. So many times I caught myself trying to do it on my own strength. So many times I tried to forge my own path and make my own plan. But always, in the end, I had to come running back to my Savior, because I just couldn't do it. It was that simple. I can't and never will be able to do anything on my own; it's all God.
At some point during this year, I found myself saying, "God, I trust you. I trust that you have a plan and that it's better than what I want." Whether it was something as small as not being able to go to an event, or something bigger like a friendship possibly ending or a potential love-person-idk-what-to-call-it thing, I continually had to make the choice to place my trust in God. Was it hard? Oh yes. But I didn't do it on my own. God changed my perspective, changed my heart, and gave me the courage and strength to surrender my plan and trust Him. It was all Him!
I repeated those words, oh, countless times! I would start getting frustrated or stressed or scared and then I would stop and ask myself, "Emma, what are you doing?? I trust you, God. I trust your plan. Please fill me with your peace." And wow, did He fill me with peace!! He filled me with so much peace when I found out we were changing churches again. He filled me with peace when my best friend moved half-way across the country. He filled me with peace when I cried, oh so many times. He filled me with His peace when I beat myself up for sinning yet again. I keep asking myself, why, why do I have peace? I should be angry or depressed right now, or something dramatic!!
But it always came back to the same answer: it's the power of GOD. It can't be anything else. Seriously. No one can tell me that my God is not real. I've experienced His power. And God knows what He's talking about when He says He'll give us the "peace that surpasses all understanding" (Philippians 4:7)! I definitelyy don't understand it. But wow, God is so good!! I mean, why should it make sense for me to be at peace when two big areas of my life are changing/being taken away? And yet I am so at peace. Going into this new year, I am so at peace it doesn't make sense. I'm so crazy excited to see how God's plan will unfold in this next chapter of my life!
Why am I so at peace?
Maybe it's because I finally believed that these three simple words are true:
He is faithful. He is faithful!!
No matter what gets thrown my way, no matter how much of my life is changing, no matter what, I know that God is my constant. I know that He will always, always be there for me and that He already knows everything about me and what I'm going to do and how many times I'll sin and mess up.
And yet, still He loves me.
"I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart;
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"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."