"I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast towards you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you, you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
hey :)) I just want to be really, really real with you all right now (and I thought this time I'd include a super real, unedited, bad quality photo from after I finished this instead of doing another "put together" pic ((: ).
I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. Truth be told - I just finished crying: another of those cries that no one but the Lord sees. Some of the thoughts that were previously going through my head were similar to these:
They don't care. She wouldn't even notice, even if you walked up to her, looked her in the face and had tears in your eyes. She's too busy for you. How would I have known?? I'm not that smart. I can't do it. I'm not good enough. I don't have anyone who I can truly run to. I need to be alone. I can't let them see me cry, cuz I don't even know exactly what I'm crying about! I'll never be good enough. I'm failing. No one sees me.
I stare at the video of the couple on Instagram. I listen to a song about loveee (oooh). I watch a rom-com - my favorite kind of movieee (ugh, they're so cuteee!). I walk around at the mall, and see tons of girls holding guys' hands.
Hm. I'm single.
I don't dress well enough for a boyfriend, you say? One sec - let me just look through my clothes and find a cute outfit. Ooh, yes...perfect.
I'm not pretty enough? Okay, let me put on some makeup. Let me wear contacts, because my glasses make me look bad and no guy would like me looking like that. Wait- gotta check the mirror one last time to see if I still look good.
Oh, I'm still not good enough? The guy of my dreams doesn't like me still?Hmm...okay, let me ask Google what guys are looking for. Do I need to change my personality? Do I need to like the same things as they do? Do I need to talk in a different way? Do I need to flirt more? WHAT IS IT??
Oof. Talk about tiring!! But I actually kinda really sorta really did this. I was so obsessed with the idea of dating, I missed countless opportunities to glorify God, instead choosing to try to catch a guy's attention.
And even when a guy did start liking me, I decided I actually didn't like that guy so much and tried to shake him off. An endless cycle.
I actually wrote the beginning of this post a month or so ago, but didn't finish it because, well - I was still struggling with it. My friends can definitely tell you that I was pretty much boy-crazy!
In the past few months, I really started noticing it and praying that God would help me to keep my eyes on Him instead of seeking attention and constantly worrying about guys and having boyfriends and relationships. One day I just prayed, "God, if you want me to be single - even for all my life - would you please make at peace with this? If this is what you want, would you help me to be okay with being single?"
AND WOW. GOD ANSWERED THAT PRAYER, ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT I COULD HAVE IMAGINED!
wow. It's been three months! Thank you all for being so patient with me!! ;) In these past few months, God has been teaching me SO much!! The top three things, I would say, are:
1. Keep on trusting Him, even in the unknown.
2. Guys won't ever complete me - nothing and no one can but the Lord. No matter who likes me, or who doesn't, I already have EVERYTHING I need in Jesus Christ! My worth is not dependent on guys or what others say!
3. I DON'T have it all together. I'm not perfect, and I have so much to learn!
Over the next few weeks, I'm hoping to go over each one of those more in depth. But today, Iet me just brag a lil bit about how GOOD and FAITHFUL God has been!! (also sorry in advance for the long post...trying to catch y'all up on what God has been doing so I can keep moving forward in future posts!)
Okay. Guys, wow. God has been so good this year!! ;)
Oki, but if I'm honest, life has been tough and wayyy unpredictable this year. My best friend moved away at the end of last year, and it's been tough without her, tough communicating, tough staying positive and hopeful sometimes.
My GOD is AMAZING. My GOD is POWERFUL. BEAUTIFUL. MAGNIFICENT. AWE-SOME. He is full of LOVE. MERCY. FORGIVENESS. He is LIGHT to my darkness. He is HOPE to my hopelessness, my despair. He has opened my eyes and shown me things I'd never dreamed of seeing and understanding! He has brought me out of the pit I dug for myself and set me on solid ground. He has FREED me. He has broken my chains. I am NO LONGER A SLAVE!!
Hi everyone :) I am really, really sorry I have not been able to post the last couple days like I promised! I had plans of posting every single day, but turns out God said differently! I will try to do another guest post week for you sometime in October to make up for it, God willing. Since I ran out of guest posts as of right now, I decided I'd share with you all my own testimony. Now, last year, I thought my testimony was weak, and useless. I thought that, because I didn't go through like deep depression or drugs or anything beforehand, no one would think it a drastic change or anything, and it would not be as important as someone else who fought suicide or something. I'm learning now that everyone's story is significant in its own way! If you think your testimony will never make a difference to anyone, you are WRONG! Excuse my bluntness, but seriously, your story matters!! God has brought you through a beautiful journey that is completely unique, and I promise you that someone will be able to relate to parts of your story! Don't be afraid to share. I hope He speaks to you through this. Love you all!
Like maybe some of you, I grew up in a Christian home (and am growing up in a Christian home still). When I was four, my mom took me aside and explained the gospel to me. She then asked if I believed it, and I said yes. That day, I became a Christian, and that is actually my earliest memory, which is pretty cool!
Well, I grew up just like any other kid, pretty much. I knew I was a Christian, and I tried to do what my parents told me do and tried to not do what they told me not to do, but this faith was not really my own.
Hello, family! Today we have a really powerful testimony from my amazing, loving small group leader, Sindi. Some of you out there may be struggling with something similar to what she went through, and just remember that you are not alone. There are other people who have gone through what you are going through, and there is a way out: through Jesus. Not through death- remember, after death comes judgement. But through Jesus there is life- eternal life, and life to the fullest! I pray He would speak to you through this, and I'm praying for you!
Before I begin, I want everyone to know that I have never shared my whole testimony, but God's plan is better than mine, so I will just be obedient.
To understand how I got to this very moment, I think it is important to explore my childhood. I was very fortunate to have grown up with five sisters and our mother. YES!!!! Six girls … I know poor DAD, but don’t feel too bad. My father walked out on us countless times until my mother had enough and asked him not to come around. This was the best decision my mother could have made because my father was an alcoholic. Not having a male figure in my life was difficult and shaped me into the person I am today.
"I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart;
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"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."